Marriage problems are everywhere! You can read them in magazines and blogs, overhear them from fellow commuters and get the low down in forums and even Facebook statuses! With so many problems being aired it is great to be able to show you how to turn some of the most common marriage problems into solutions.
Problem: If your discussions regularly end up turning into conflict then you are likely one of many couples experiencing bad communication in your marriage. Your poor communication could be due to one or both of you aiming to win rather than resolve the fight.
Solution: One simple thing you can do is to remind yourself that your overall aim is coming to an agreement; use that to frame how you approach areas of disagreement. Simply getting in a more positive mindset can go a long way to influencing how you interact with your spouse.
There may be issues such as blame, anger or defensiveness that affect how you both interact. Although some personal issues may require specific marriage advice or personal therapy the practical solution is to learn a more positive way to communicate. It is incredible how affective learning just one or two tactics can be (even by one partner alone) in improving the whole atmosphere of your marriage.
Unhealthy communication habits are a major cause of marital problems and taking steps to improve this key area can make all the difference.
2. No Time for Each Other
Problem: So many couples today have crazy schedules and without real effort on both sides it can be all too easy for ‘couple time’ to slip off the agenda.
When you are cramming so many activities into your day you can easily give the maintenance of your marriage a low priority.
Lack of time together slowly loosens the connection and emotional intimacy between couples. You are in danger of losing touch with what is going on in each other’s lives and not having the opportunity to share or show you care. This can become a critical situation as there is the very real danger of one or both of you seeking this support elsewhere.
Solution: Prioritizing your marriage by scheduling in time together is the simple answer. It doesn’t have to be anything major; just sharing a cup of coffee at the end of each day and getting into the habit of sharing your news and views – it’s a great way to feel closer to each other. Ideally though it’s best to find a way to nurture your friendship and unwind with quality time out perhaps taking up a joint pastime or simply ensuring that date night doesn’t get cancelled!
Don’t let your busy lives destroy your marriage; take back control and find time for each other.
3. Driving Each other Crazy!
Problem: It’s very common to hear couples complaining about their spouse’s bad habits. Over time many couples become complacent in the way that they behave.
Bad habits include snapping, nagging, criticizing, not listening, not taking the time to compliment or appreciate your spouse, arguing over petty things and so on. The less of an effort one partner makes the less likely their spouse is to try too, so the issue can get worse and really start to erode the relationship.
Solution: Get out of the bad habit rut! We have two suggestions for you:
If you are going to take action alone, try to listen to how you interact and reflect upon what could be improved. Focus on your own behavior and not that of your spouse otherwise you are likely to make things worse not better! Consider if you could take any action yourself that might actually reverse the downward spiral.
If you and your spouse are going to work on this together try to come up with two or three changes you would each like your partner to make. Be sure to make the initial issues easy to achieve so that you can get in some quick wins. Try to keep up some momentum and set new goals. By achieving the simpler improvements you will have demonstrated what can be achieved as well as made improvements in your relationship. Next you need to tackle some of the more challenging habits.
Changing the way you speak or behave is not easy and we suggest you tap into known techniques that have been successfully used to improve marriages. Check out our positive communication in marriage video blogs!
Marriage is dynamic and making just small changes really can have quite major results. Reminding your spouse how much you appreciated that morning cup of coffee or miss the compliments he used to give you – just mentioning all the little things that went such a long way but have now fallen by the wayside – really could give your marriage such a boost.