There is a lot of marriage advice ‘out there’; counseling, books, blogs, DVDs, articles and more. So much great and helpful information can be obtained from a wide range of sources and couples have never had access to so much marriage advice material.
However, from time to time we stumble across the worst marriage advice tips which we certainly would not recommend to our readers. Find out about the bad marriage advice that should be totally ignored!
1. Use set phrases to improve your communications
One example of this is when couples are coached to use set phrases for arguments. These can be really helpful for some couples, making communication easier and taking the heat out of potential arguments. However, using these stock phrases is not for everyone; there is skill in using this technique effectively. If not used properly this marriage advice can come across as being false, insincere or can exaggerate and over-emote a very simple issue.
Some couples are simply better at applying advice like this than others. The standard ‘when you do X I feel Y’ sentences can be a great way to explain all those things that aggravate you. However the sentences do need to be formed correctly and need to balance out. For example, a partner stating, ‘When you leave the cap off the toothpaste I feel totally worthless’ comes across as being over emotional. They may well feel worthless but it’s not just due to the cap-less toothpaste, it will be other things too. So care really does needs to be taken to weigh up how to use this technique so that it is an effective marriage advice tool.
Sometimes, for some people, it may just be better to ‘say it as it is’ and not ‘dress up’ simple requests with formula-sentences. So, ‘Please put the cap on the toothpaste, it dries up and makes a mess otherwise’ may actually get the job done far better. So do consider when to use certain communication tools and not to be afraid of using your discretion when deciding how to deal with different situations.
2. Your Husband should be your Best Friend
You obviously need to have a strong friendship with your husband but there’s nothing wrong with having a best friend too; someone who knows you back to front who you can confide in. The important thing is to ensure you retain the emotional connection and intimacy with your husband and don’t talk to your best friend instead of your husband about the things that matter. As long as this is the case then there’s absolutely no reason that a husband and best friend can’t both be the most important people in your life.
Many husbands don’t want to hear every detail of your day. Women and men communicate differently and many men like to focus just on things they feel are relevant to their marriage. Best friends however, are happy to hear your thoughts, feelings and share insignificant anecdotes – they just love to chat! So you really shouldn’t feel that you have to treat your husband like your best friend. He may not want his ear chewed off with your constant insights and you may prefer a female perspective on things. So filter what you say to who so that everyone’s happy!
3. You should never stop having sex
All marriages go through phases. Some couples report that the pressure to maintain a regular sex life can actually ruin their relationships. There are many couples who decide that for the short, medium or long term they are going to take a break from sex. As long as both partners are in agreement then a sexless marriage or a period where there is no pressure to have sex may well work for you. So don’t feel like a failure if the physical side of your relationship is on the wane and both you and your partner are fine about this.
The worst marriage advice tips tend to be when they are too prescriptive. As with everything in life, marriage advice needs to be appropriate for the people concerned; what works for one couple may be totally unsuitable for another.
The good news is that with so much marriage advice available all couples should be able to find advice to suit them.
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